Star Trek Episode Autopsy – Lonely Among Us

by paet the pagan-gerbil30. January 2015 08:00

This was a disappointing episode. The main story, with energy beings hijacking the ship, wasn’t too bad but I feel like it could have been done better. I’ve got complaints about the dialogue, direction, etc but that’s not really what I write these about so I’ll put those aside. The secondary story, with the Anticans and Selay, was very poorly handled in my opinion.

The Odd Couple

We have two alien races who hate each other, have always hated each other, and can barely stand to be in nearby rooms. The best way to get them to a peace conference is on the same starship, and the crew assign them to quarters literally next door to each other until they complain. We never meet the hospitality officer on the Enterprise, but given some of the deep research that Picard and Troi go into when meeting other races, you’d think someone would have paid a bit more attention to this.

He just accidentally brutally chopped off his own head while carving a turkey...

What about the peace conference itself? We see the Antican delegates more than the Selay, but the impression we get is that they were sent along as a matter of form and they’re not really that bothered whether peace is achieved or not. I think that if everything had progressed smoothly and the delegates were delivered happily to the conference, the Anticans weren’t really committed and fairly unlikely to actually agree to any concessions (on their part, at least).

Nasty Ferengi

There was a drop-in reference to the big baddies for the series, the Ferengi. The implication was made that they had bribed the delegates to sabotage the ship. At some point, they stopped being the bogeymen of the galaxy but they’re still a big, dangerous threat to the Federation at this point.

Politics and Morals

I’d be interested to find out if Gene Roddenberry was a vegetarian. There is a discussion early on in the episode where it’s explained that humans only eat synthetic meat and don’t raise animals to be eaten. This raises a few questions – if meat is synthesised, why not vegetables? If humans go to another world, are they able to digest the foreign meat that’s come from a real animal? This is a consideration in general for food though, not just for vegetarianism. It seems that people have a fairly relaxed attitude to foodstuffs (and especially foreign processed foods) across the galaxy and will eat it without checking it for edibility or toxins.

In addition, when did vegetarianism become the standard? It can’t have been too long ago, as the Antican has seen humans ‘eating meat’ – synthetic meat fashioned to look like real meat by the replicators. On the other hand, it seems totally normal and expected to Tasha Yar who grew up homeless on a dangerous, backwater planet. Vegetarianism must have been fairly ingrained in human culture to be the norm even somewhere where the expectation is ‘kill or be killed’ and ‘fight to survive’.

There’s also a sly nod to the Cold War – “people even used to go to war about economic systems.” That makes it sound silly, and was probably written in to show how enlightened we are going to be to have eliminated war within our own species, but it’s actually an interesting point. Since previous episodes have pointed out that humans have abandoned money, aren’t the Federation following more Communist principles than Capitalist ones?

Troi’s Insights

I liked Troi’s insight on things in this episode. I heard an engineer in her voice, explaining patiently that she can’t detect two consciousness's in the crew because of the inherent duality in everyone. There are many times that I’ve heard technical people explaining ‘no, that’s not the way that things work’ and this conversation brought back all of them.

The big difference to those conversations is that everyone listened and accepted the answer on the show!

Murder on the Enterprise

I was very confused by the almost negligent attitude to the peace delegates on the ship. They’re able to hide behind corners and ambush crew members, hide weapons in their quarters and on their person and even catch Riker (inadvertently) in a net. Now, there were bigger problems on the ship, but they could probably still have spared a couple more security personnel to guard all the visitors. To have Riker essentially assaulted and possibly hurt by a neutral/unfriendly alien visitor, but have no consequences is quite strange.

In addition, the murder revelation at the end seemed almost as if nobody cared about it – Picard takes the news as if ‘well, I’ll just palm off that responsibility on you then!’ and Riker and Tasha don’t appear to want to deal with it but not because they actually care about someone being killed and eaten (offending their vegetarian sensibilities even more, I imagine). The fact that it happens at the end of the episode means that there’s no way to find out what the Selay think about the murder – do they blame the Anticans or the Federation, or both? Will the peace conference fail now that a peace delegate has been murdered by his opposite number? Do either side, or both, blame the Enterprise delays for the peace talks stalling (as the murder of a peace delegate would no doubt cause them to fail anyway)?

Will the Federation implement a policy of having separate ships deliver peace delegates to their conferences in the future?

Data and the Energy Beings

Could Data host the energy beings? Would that have been an acceptable compromise? Does there even really need to be a compromise? Would it at least facilitate communication? Who knows.

New Life and New Civilisations… Sometimes

The energy beings that are trapped in the ship, communicate with the crew and have a society and a home that they want to get back to could be interesting to explore. But instead, not enough attention is paid to it and in the end it doesn’t really go anywhere. It would be nice to have some sort of follow-up where a science vessel approaches at a safe distance and attempts to make contact with them, and discover more about these energy beings. Is their whole race within the phenomenon the Enterprise encountered, or is it more like a starship carrying a small crew of explorers, like the Enterprise itself?

Picard is essentially abandoned and trapped on their ship, just as they were trapped on his. Do they try to help him? Can they try to help him? We don’t know.

So many questions... So much mystery...

Other Interesting Titbits

Also spotted in this episode – a medical visor used by Dr Crusher, that I don’t remember seeing anywhere else. I’ll try to keep an eye out for it in the future.

And again, there’s not much to say about it, but the first appearance of Sherlock Holmes. Data jumps into the act full throttle, but over the years as his humanity grows his eccentric behaviour fades. Although it doesn’t seem connected, the more his empathic skills increase, the less he is given to acting rash or illogically. No-one would question an android studying Sherlock Holmes’ methods, the odd thing is why he thought it appropriate to begin smoking a pipe.

Come to think of it, what WAS in Data's pipe?

What Would Other Captains Do?

As usual, there are two big things going on in this episode, the peace delegates and the ‘hijack’.

Sisko would almost certainly call the Anticans out on their behaviour. They aren’t even pretending to want peace. They’d end up locked in a cell on DS9 (although the actual escort would probably be on the Defiant) in fairly short order, and between Odo and the Bajoran authorities on one side, and the uncompromising standards of Sisko, I can’t see them getting out any time soon. To be honest, I would see Picard doing much the same thing if he hadn’t essentially washed his hands of anything to do with the delegates.

Sisko is harder to tell with the energy beings. He is an adventurer, an explorer, but unlike Picard he has a strong sense of commitment and family. He has his son, his father, his connections to Bajor (strengthening every year), and at times Kassidy Yates. Picard has a brother he was not as close to, and no real sense of family himself. Eventually, of course, Sisko does disappear with energy beings to explore strange new worlds but this was not entirely at his own volition. I do wonder how Odo would have fared hosting the energy beings, given his odd reaction to Curzon Dax’s personality?

Janeway’s behaviour with the delegates would probably be closer to Picard’s actual behaviour in the episode. Chakotay would probably be in charge of them, and he walks an odd line between following Starfleet protocol to provide an example and being flexible with the rules because of the pressures of life being isolated in the Delta quadrant. I think at the point of the murder he would be very, very keen to push them out of an airlock (or at least kick them off of the ship early). If they want to play hard, he can certainly play hard…


So-so. Too many things happened here that essentially felt like both the characters and the writers couldn’t give a monkeys. “Murder on my ship? Phoo, is that the time? I’d best get some sleep…”

  • Ship captured: +1
  • Crew possessions: +1
  • Unknowable energy beings: +1

Riker: "Did he just...? Am I stuck with...? Hang on a second!"

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Kickstarter Roundup

by paet the pagan-gerbil2. January 2015 08:00

It’s been an interesting few years for me with Kickstarter – here’s where I’m at with all of my backed projects.

Order of the Stick Reprint Drive

This was my first Kickstarter, and is still outstanding. The reason for that though is clear – the sole artist and writer of the saga damaged his hand pretty badly shortly after the Kickstarter, and has been fulfilling the bonus content as and when he can since then. It should be noted that the core pledge – books – were delivered on time without problem and I’ve received all the physical goods I ordered. The remaining things are mostly digital short stories, and I can wait for those to drip in slowly for another couple of years. I trust Rich to be able to fulfil the Kickstarter promises, and in theory all the bonus content will actually make up half of an extra book – if the promises made don’t mandate exclusivity, of course. I’m not hung up on exclusivity myself, but I know some people can get really irate about that sort of thing.

Broken Age

It’s been an interesting project, given that the whole thing has been relatively public on video since it’s inception. I’m getting a bit itchy since finishing Act One, and the pace of the videos has slowed down dramatically, and before too long they’ll be going dark for Amnesia Fortnight again. Hopefully, there’ll at least be some more AF videos this year even if the Broken Age ones are slowing down.

Wasteland 2

An entirely complete project! I only put in for the game itself, and no physical rewards, so I’m absolutely thrilled with the final result. The only problem is that my aging graphics card finally gave up and packed in. I’ll need to get a new one before I can play any more modern games.

Broken Sword

I was a huge fan of the original Broken Sword games, I remember getting awfully stuck on the first one (the goat…) with my cousin on the Playstation. I still haven’t completed BS4 yet, but the control system was just too unpleasant to deal with. I’ll try and get back to it one day, I expect. This Kickstarter delivered on time, and it delivered an awesome game. Not as hard as some of the older games, but not a pushover either.

Satellite Reign

This is possibly the riskiest project that I’ve backed – it is by a studio I’m not familiar with remaking a game I loved but was no good at. It’s still ticking along, and I’m aware of the long lead time in games (looking at the finished or nearly finished projects that I’ve backed, that’s clearer to me now) and their work in progress has been encouraging so far. They’ve also just released keys for Steam Early Access, which is a relief!

Torment: Tides of Numenera

I backed this because I was so confident in the team to deliver Wasteland 2, and because I know people who loved Planescape: Torment. I never got that far into it, and was playing it years behind the times when UI conventions had changed a lot (2d to 3d, no zoom, etc) and it makes some games age poorly. At the time, I could have loved it but interface and resolution had come a long way and I didn’t like the feeling that I was dying too much…

Cirque du Mort

The latest project that I’ve backed, on a recommendation from a friend. It’s a comic book that by KS prices comes out pretty cheap – definitely worth a shot to see how it goes.

DreadBall and Xtreme

These two projects really hit me hard, I fell for DreadBall bad during the Kickstarter and bought almost everything (figuring I could sell it on later at a profit if I wanted to). When Xtreme came around, I just went for the ‘one of everything’ pledge to make it easier, rather than keep adding stuff on. To this day, the only thing I’ve had to buy for DreadBall separately is the Azure Forest expansion.

I picked up the Xtreme game at the Open Day, and look forward to getting the first Season Four bits in the new year! It’ll be great to finally play with them, but I’ll have to get cracking on the painting…

Mars Attacks

This one didn’t interest me until it added a DreadBall team add-on. That’s all I went for, so I was surprised when I was sent the digital rules as well. Turns out that the rules for the DB team are hidden somewhere in one of the expansions – hopefully, they will be available to the world at large sometime afterwards.

As far as I’m aware, it delivered on time for me. I know some things were delayed but only by a few weeks, so it shouldn’t have been too big a deal.

Dungeon Saga

So I’m becoming a bit of a Mantic fan. This looked like another good, quick game to play and also a good introduction for older children to complex games. As a bonus it’s co-operative and multiplayer, so it could be brought out for a games night (full campaign in a day?) with the option of pitching it at ‘out of the box’ mode for new players or ‘analysis paralysis’ for the keen roleplayers amongst us. I went in for one of everything again… whoops.

Kings of War Second Edition

Oh dear. Another Mantic project. I only wanted one model, but with postage added it was only a little extra to get the rulebooks as well… so I went in at the low level, no upgrades, just to get the Blaine miniature. It might be easier to get a large fantasy game in as well since the rules are faster than Warhammer.

The Underground: A Sam & Fuzzy RPG

This one I backed on a whim. It looks like a silly, cartoony RPG much like the comic it’s based on. It might be a good game to play between our (no longer regular) regular RPGs, which are always planned as pretty serious and straight stories and then meet the players.

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DreadHeads Tournament - Mantic Open Day November 2014

by paet the pagan-gerbil11. December 2014 08:00

The last weekend of November saw us once more making the pilgrimage to Nottingham for the twice-yearly Mantic Open Day and DreadBall tournament!

The gang this time was Dan, Oli, Jen and myself. We met another guy from the DreadBall Fanatics Facebook page called Barry staying in the same hotel, and had an Ultimate game the night before (as is now custom) and got a little bit drunk (as is now custom...) The Ultimate game had four human teams (three of them Season One!) and me, playing Zees.

I was undecided between Zee and Z'zor - I kept going back and forth, Zee, Z'zor, Zee, Z'zor.... After asking advice, I got lots of suggestions on how to make the Z'zor competitive. So I chose Zees!

The tournament itself was a four-game event, with the 'fake league' rules to make teams better and better all the way through.

Oli's Void Sirens attack Orx and Slippery Joe!

Game One - Simon's S1 Corp

Simon was a great opponent, and we had a good laugh - I managed to win by a single point, and the major achievement in the game for me was scoring four points with a monkey!

Game Two - Rob's Teratons


I've seen Rob at a few of these events in the past, but never played him. I've been unsure whether or not it's wise, since he has won 'Most Bloody' more than once, and especially this time with his very smashy Teraton team. Somehow, my Zees got everything they wanted and walked off with a turn 5 landslide win. We were both stunned. It helped that the Praetorian (Rob's MVP purchase) couldn't pick up an undefended ball...

Dale won 'best painted' for his team at the Nationals, and they are even better in good light!

Game Three - Mike's Nameless

Mike is another player I've seen many times in the past - he was the first person that Jen played in a tournament, what feels like an age ago... I tried my best, but he had a Sticky Guard with 360 Vision in the three point strike zone, effectively shutting me out. This was a landslide loss, but at least it wasn't quick! Mike very charitably lent me his dice, which rolled way too many sixes for me - I'd have been more embarrassed if they were my own! There was one nasty turn where I sat on the launch lane, got a monkey knocked out by the ball, it scattered to another monkey who (obviously) couldn't catch it, then I lost the whole turn before it started. Annoying, but it doesn't happen as much as it did before the launch rules changed.

One monkey did manage to knock a Hard Guard out for two turns though. That's almost a win, for Zees.

Game Four - Leon's Asterians

Leon's converted Asterians (sorry about the blurriness...)

Leon is the current UK Champion and I was very much looking forward to playing him. His Asterian Dirty Tricks don't work too well against monkeys, but he was dynamite scoring. I managed to keep it away from being a landslide (somehow), including an incredible 9-hex throw from inside a threat hex to a Zee who caught it, moved into the three-point zone (another threat hex) and scored! Not enough to win, but pretty impressive. I eventually lost by four points.

Leon is really fun to play against, he doesn't take things too seriously and he makes it an entertaining game. I definitely wouldn't mind being thrashed by him again some day!


It was a fun tournament, and I think a net -3 score difference is pretty good for Zees. There were two other Zee teams there, one came dead last and the other was captained by the TO (Rob T). None of our crowd got a prize this time around, but with players like Mike (who won this one) and Leon (who won the 2013 Nationals), and regulars like Rob F and Dale (both taking Teratons and going for blood) it's a hard competition. Full results are here, but to summarise: Oli came fifth, I came eighth, Dan was tenth and Jen eleventh.

Dan's Costa Coffee Corporation take on the other Asterian team

Unfortunately, the event was marred by not having the custom tokens we were expecting and being squashed in a room too small - the tables weren't wide enough for a Dreadball pitch, so boards were being knocked all the time. Having been to a couple of nice venues recently (the Bristol Megalofunotron 2 at the Ratepayers Arms, and the Crusader Bowl at Meadow-something Community Hall), this was a big let down. The prizes as well had to be announced in a noisy hall and consisted entirely of credit to spend in the store - it didn't feel particularly well-loved.

It was still a fun event, great to catch up with people and fun to play new opponents again!

Another Zee player got the wooden spoon, even with the Enforcer to help them along.

Open Day

And what of the rest of the Open Day? There were no outside exhibitors this time, which is a bit of a shame but I'm not too worried about. I wasn't going to pick up any new games anyway. We got to see the DreadBall Xtreme stuff, and pick up the box game from our Kickstarter package, and see some shiny painted models from the next few season's teams... Mechanites, Koris, and Tsudochan, among others! I'm starting to get accustomed to the fact that people there know us - they gave Jen my KS package while I was still playing a game, and Ronnie waved us in even though I'd forgotten to print off our confirmation.

After the tournament, we hung around waiting to see what pub everyone was going to when Ronnie came out to say that they were going to close the doors so if we wanted to come in for pizza, we could. Can't say fairer than that! I had been wondering what we were going to do about dinner anyway. It also gave us some time to look at the awesome display pieces without bumping into lots of people. Then it was home to drink, play Tarot of Loka (which Alessio had demonstrated to Dan, who promptly picked it up) and our first crack at Xtreme. It's a really fun, really brutal game. We went twelve rushes without scoring...

We'll definitely be back next year!

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Phobos Phanatics

by paet the pagan-gerbil28. November 2014 08:00

When a small force of Martian invaders fell into the GCPS following Blaine, they became side-tracked by their guerilla tactic foundations of establishing a DreadBall franchise. This, they hoped, would manoeuvre them into position to stage a coup at some point in the future.

The Phobos Phanatics moved away from their primary grounds and began touring the BR57L sectors, playing against such teams as Zoatally Z’zorsome and the Starport Starlets in their bid to conquer the hearts and minds of sports fans across the GCPS…

First team I painted the prone models for - it only seemed right.

I’m aware that I snuck out on writing up about the Zee team as well, but the written background for the Martian team is pretty much perfect. I wasn’t interested in the Mars Attacks game, but followed the Kickstarter out of interest in Mantic’s projects (just as I had for Deadzone). It hadn’t seemed to be going too well, stalling and going backwards a bit, and the pledge levels were confusing. Then late in the campaign the DreadBall team was announced, so I threw my money in for that at the special ‘DreadBall only’ pledge level. I still managed to resist getting anything else for it though – I have my game, and I’m happy with it.

I’m very proud of the painting that I’ve done with these guys. I used a wet palette for the first time, and found it a great help when mixing paints – something else I did for the first time here. The whole impetus was that they had turned up a week or two before the rules. The rules came out with no pre-warning at all, and I got straight on to the guys running the Crusader Bowl in Cwmbran to see if they’d be let in. I knew I could only paint one team in time for the tournament, and would have to work hard if I was going to take the Asterians (as I was hoping to do). They said that Martians were going to be allowed, so I got the whole lot done in a week to be ready. I even painted the prone figures, which I haven’t had time to do for any other team. Having no time to play Dreadball before the big day, the first game that I actually played with them was at the tournament itself… Those poor Asterians are always getting left behind. Serves me right for choosing a particularly hard paint scheme with them.

"There's nothing behind my back. Oh, /this/ hand?"

The armour is Temple Guard Blue highlighted with a mix of Temple Guard Blue and Sotek Blue, and finally highlighted with Sotek Blue. The brains are Squig Orange with Bestigor Flesh, the face is Snot Green with Orc Flesh Wash strategically placed to bring out the gills and mouths, which I think I screwed up in the basecoating phase. Then more Snot Green, a bit more Orc Flesh Wash, and some Snot Green/Goblin Green mixed to highlight the face. The eyes and teeth were Pallid Wych Flesh with a steady hand, and a dot of Mephiston Red and a really steady hand for the pupil.

Hidden blade...

Their weapons, tubes and the top of the armour were Eshin Grey/Dawnstone Grey, highlighted with Dawnstone Grey again, then an Armour Wash to bring out some of the detail. The backpacks were Rhinox Hide/Mephiston Red base, Mephiston Red for more definition and finally Blood Red to top highlights.

The only bit I was really unhappy with was the boots/shoulder pads. I used Gnarloc Green, with Snot Green to highlight. I just couldn’t get it to blend the way I wanted. That might be because the older foundation paints are too concentrated in pigment – I have had trouble mixing Dheneb Stone in the past too (one of the reasons I have taken this long to try mixing paints.

These guards can dish it out, but they can't take it.

Finally, the helmets. I put two on, and the PVA was smudged everywhere, and I almost cried at how terrible it looked. In the morning the glue had dried clear and it really improved the appearance (and slightly covered the poor work I’d done on the teeth of the models. I made sure to take pictures of them without the helmets in case the photography wasn’t any good once they were on. I know that Mantic have photoshopped the helmets onto many of their production shots (a bit too obviously in the case of the DreadBall team), so it’s possible that without their professionally painted models, in a specially lit studio with high-quality equipment and professional photographers mine might not come out looking that great. I think they came out OK though!

I thought one of these guys was broken from a distance, then realised he wasn't supposed to have a helmet on.

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Crusader Bowl

by paet the pagan-gerbil23. November 2014 08:00

The Crusader Bowl is a tournament held in Cwmbran, just over the border in Wales. A couple of weeks before the event, making slow progress with my Asterians, I asked if they would allow the fresh-off-the-press Mars Attacks team in and was told… yes! So for the first time in quite a while, I’ve made a very easy decision on what team to bring. I was planning on bringing the Z’zor to one of the tournaments at this tail end of the year, but I guess that’s not panning out at all. Maybe next year they’ll have their day in the sun.

We’ll be going en masse again – Jen can’t make this one, but myself, Oli, Dan, Gareth and Dai will (almost) all be trekking over the bridge to participate. There seem to be a good range of prizes on offer - I doubt I can get lucky again though! There will be painting prizes (voted by the players), top three prizes, last place and possibly some spot prizes too.

I really have to remember to take more pictures at the next one...

Game One – Rhys’ Nameless

This was an excellent opportunity for some delayed vengeance. Martian rayguns work very well against the nasty guards of the Nameless, and really took the edge off of their tag-teaming tactics. I managed to keep them either on the floor or on the bench for a good deal of the game, but it didn’t help me score many points. Time was called when we'd eked out a draw.

Game Two – Tris’ Martians

The game was as fun as we thought it would be, although Tris didn't try using his hidden rayguns nearly as much as I did (I don't actually recall him firing a single shot, actually...) and I ended up a single point up at the end of the game.

Game Three – Shaun’s Z'zor

I got the big guard!

Had a great game against Shaun - I managed to get rid of that nasty guard (thank goodness they only start with one) and he was dreadfully unlucky with the ref checks against my players meaning that I could keep blasting away with the rayguns. Again, as fun as making 'pew-pew' noises is, I couldn't keep the score in my favour and lost by two.

Game Four – Connor’s Forge Fathers

It’s been a long time since I played against Forge Fathers. I don’t think I’ve seen them in a tournament since my very first tournament game. Connor was fun, he wasn’t expecting to do anything and called people over whenever he killed one of the squishy Martians. I got my only kill of the tournament against him though, one of his guards. I wasn’t able to do much damage to his Strikers through poor rolling, and needed to concentrate on his Guards to try and retain some players on the pitch!

In the end I lost by two points again.

Ultimate – Chris’ Zees, Lawrence’s Nameless, Gareth’s Teratons and Dan’s Corporation

Lawrence's Nameless were truly stunning.

The novelty of ending a tournament on an Ultimate game is starting to wear off. It's a long day, and Ultimate is a long game, and as a couple of players pointed out "it's not so much fun when you're trying to win". Maybe it'd work better as a first game, rather than a last game? It'd be fairer on the Swiss system too, probably.

Regardless, it started the same as most of my games in the day - score fast, get close to the landslide, then slowly bleed out points while my players are squished into the ground. Luckily, there being four other players, as soon as Dan started edging to the lead I was left alone while they concentrated on him. Finally, in the last turn I had a 'not too threatening' four points... realising that this was my last shot, and waking up long enough to do the maths, I called an Offensive play with my coach, ran a Striker onto the ball and somehow doubled the pickup, moved towards a Strike zone; played a card to get him closer, another action to make it to the 3pt bonus hex and then finally the strike. One score, 7 points, unexpected landslide and I could go to bed.


I kept forgetting to take useful pictures, so I snapped some other people's games...

I don’t know exactly where I came – I expect it was in the bottom half, but I honestly don’t care. The Martians were huge fun to play with and against, and offer a nice alternative to both hitty and fast teams – they’re easy to put down, not terribly easy to score with, but they have that ranged attack that is difficult to defend against. Most of the games began with me taking a rapid lead, then losing my players very, very quickly. The second half of most games had three or less players on the pitch, and running damage control rather than any co-ordinated game plan.

As a group, we fared pretty well (if I can take some of the credit). Dan picked up prizes for Best Painted and Most Bloody, Oli got a prize for third place (he is fairly consistently one of the top players) and Gareth got the Wooden Spoon. The prizes were excellent, donated by Mantic and Firestorm Games in Cardiff – the wooden spoon prize was a voucher towards another team with the tagline “since you’ll be throwing that one in the bin…”

It was a long, tough day but the Martians were so much fun to play with I may try and bring them to a league. With some development, they could be pretty powerful.

Just under a week to the Open Day, I can’t wait!

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by paet the pagan-gerbil7. November 2014 08:00

Hooray, we’re back to roleplaying! Dan is running a Shadowrun-ish game for us. At least, the word ‘shadowrun’ has been mentioned in the world, I don’t know if that is really the system or not.

There was once an Alliance in the galaxy, rather idealistic, that was destroyed by alien invaders. The aliens were driven off, but the Alliance was totally smashed up. In it’s place are Corporations, behind the scenes on every planet and local government.

There’s a diverse range of species – our crew has a female human chemist (a bit of a pusher…), an Ogre soldier, a Dwarf engineer and an Orc medic. We are on a largely-lawless pleasure planet, where almost anything goes. On our way to a local restaurateur (Fat Jeff) to look for make-work, we were followed by a shady character. Trying to lose this miscreant we ended up in the robot red-light district, in which another shady character jumped out in front of us and threw a datapad at us. It had instructions for a meeting.

This meeting occurred in an abandoned warehouse, and we were offered substantial rewards for assisting in the resurrection of the Alliance, and the subsequent throttling of Corporation power. We were given free rein to choose what equipment we liked. The mission was to destroy a device involved in time-travel and/or inter-dimensional travel – dangerous stuff.

After a quick trial of combat against some holographic practice dummies, we were ready to leave the planet and head to our destination in the SS Shagnasty IV – an Orc garbage scow.

The spaceport was surrounded by an angry mob… we didn’t see any need to worry, so we snuck onto our ship and set course. Arriving, we found a forest planet with very little traffic and almost no buildings at all – the facility that we wanted was out of the way, and had a landing pad. We radioed in, told them we were in trouble (pushing smoke out of the engines and wiggling the steering wheel to make it believable) and that we needed to land to make repairs. We were allowed, and met by a human woman who said her job was receptionist (good to see some old-school sexism in the fantastic future).

We managed to get a tour of the facility, which stood up to it’s claim of being a pharmaceutical research centre (not the advanced physics danger we had been told about) until we got to the room with a strange device – our guide couldn’t explain the ‘difficult science bits’ but it was a way to get drugs to emergency zones faster than anyone else – the very instant they are required, in fact – and have enough of them produced to deal with the emergency. Sounds like something time-travel-ish for sure.

Just then, the facility was attacked! Our guide ran off to the bunker, we stayed behind to destroy the machine and download the plans for ourselves. We met some of the attackers (who didn’t stand a chance…) and made it through to the bunker. Opening the door, we found lots of dead people and a big creature who had clearly made a nest in there. We closed the door and left.

On the way out, we encountered one of the attackers carrying a big box who asked us who we were before saying “Oh, you must be the distraction.” This rankled us, so we killed him and headed to the ship. As we left, we saw the other ship being loaded with crates and loot so we destroyed it (hooray for hand-held nuke launchers!) and made it into orbit where we were congratulated for a successful job and informed that payment was in our accounts.

A few troubling things here – the technology stolen/destroyed doesn’t appear to be what we assumed it was, the facility was set up and we were part of it, and whoever organised the whole thing either doesn’t know that we screwed the other part of the plan, or are not working directly with the other team (and have no problem with their failure). I’m very interested to see where we go next…

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Bristol Megalofunotron 2

by paet the pagan-gerbil18. October 2014 08:00

Another Bristol tournament! The last one was really fun, and seems to have introduced the ‘league-in-a-day’ format to a few local tournaments (the previous one in Carmarthen, the upcoming one in Cwmbran) and even the DreadHeads tournament coming up at the next Mantic Open Day (November 2014).

The dice were handed out throughout the day, and seemed to help...


Having just finished a league season with my Zees, I’m feeling a little bit cloned out. I need to pick up a different team altogether. The ‘league’ format makes it possible for the less-competitive teams to compete (for example: in the last Megalofunotron tournament, I was in 2nd or 3rd place with the Zees…), so I might revisit something like the Z’zor that I played last year and did terribly with. This tournament would also see our biggest personal group going – with regulars like Jen, Oli and Dan; and more new players: Gareth, Dai, and Stuart. The pagan-gerbil DreadBall team is coming together nicely!

Given all the new players, and veteran players who’ve not played in a while, we hosted a weekend of DreadBall the week before to teach the game, practice the game and go over some of the quirks of this tournament format. We got in a few games, and an Ultimate one (Dai’s first, and only, game of DreadBall before the tournament!)

In the end, it was down to either the Z’zor, the Judwan or the Veer-myn. Since the Judwan are too easy to shut down completely without their Speed boost, and I wanted more practice with the Z’zor that there just wasn’t time for, I went for the Veer-myn.


This time round, there are four regular games with decreasing credits to spend after each one – Game one starts with a 130mc team, game two adds 15mc to that, game three another 8mc… and so on. Finally, there is an Ultimate game to finish the day off.

An interesting quirk in this tournament is that skills rolled are kept for the remainder of the day – so my normal Veer-myn tactic could be scuppered by a bad roll in game one. The upgrades available after each game are also limited – although you have 8mc available after game two, you can’t buy a coach with it.

Game One – Gareth’s Teratons (The Blue Suns)

I felt a little bad about this game – Gareth is one of our new players, and I beat him by a landslide. Two of my Veer-myn had skill increases, and were able to run rings around him to get the points. We were over in about 15-20 minutes, giving us time to plan our next few games upgrades.

Game Two – Oli’s Void Sirens (Saltford Slappers)

Oli and I have been playing against each other for over a year, so we were a little disappointed not to have anyone new to play against, but we knew it would be a close match. I said near the beginning that since we would end with a low score or a draw, the chances of one of us winning was pretty low.

At least this time he's not using my own models against me.

In the game, it worked out that way. Oli knows how to use Running Interference perfectly, and it’s very difficult to get around it. We had a fairly high-scoring game with both of us getting more than six points before turn 12, but the score being zero.

In the final rushes, I scored three points to get ahead and Oli failed to match it – I had broken a slim win out of it.

Game Three – Chris’ Nameless

One of the neat things about this tournament is that MVPs and Giants were permitted. They could only be bought in the first round, and all MVPs had a flat cost of 20mc, all Giants cost 30mc. Chris had bought the Nameless Spawn and worked out that with it’s large base and Gotcha, it was able to single-handedly (tentacley?) reduce any strike attempt in the 3pt zone by two dice. This had to be rectified.

It was a really tough game and even closer than against Oli. I expect that’s because I know Oli’s tactics well, but had to constantly think about what Chris might do next. Having the Giant made him play different to most Nameless players I’ve seen and he had upgraded a Striker (who now had 3+ Skill, naturally) making all of his strike attempts pretty golden.

One of my Guards spent a good deal of time attempting to hit the Giant in the back – fouling where necessary – to attempt to turn it around and free up a hex to score from. This worked a little, but I missed some of the possible consequences and ended up wasting a slam to turn it around and not open the strike zone. Then his Hard Guard came out to knock my Guard over and stand watching him, not wanting to risk getting sent off to remove the poor rat.


The other Guard had been more successful – tag-teamed by a Sticky and a Hard guard, he opted to Slamback and managed to roll two sixes, followed by another two successes. He was pushed back, still tag-I was so hoping that he would try to Stomp that Guard...teamed, and another action was spent to Slam again. I said “Well, he won’t get that sort of luck again” and then rolled two sixes. And then two more. And two more successes just to cap it off, sending off the hard Guard injured for a turn. That was a roar of triumph that brought Liam over to see. At first commiserated because of my jammy luck, then realised it was a Nameless team and gave me a high-five.

It was another high-scoring game and eventually the score was 1pt in my favour. Liam called time, and since Chris had just started his (Away) rush I suggested that we call it at the end of the rush since we wouldn’t have time to get through another rush each before the end. He was happy with that arrangement and went on to throw a 2pt Strike on 3+ Skill… and missed it. That was the second time I roared in that game! A few minutes later as we recounted it to his clubmates, he remembered that he had a coaching dice. I very un-sportsmanlike didn’t want to accept it at that point, although in most tournaments, a 1pt win wasn’t going to put me near the running for the top. The tension of the match had got to me and my heart was pounding. Two very close games, and I needed a break. There’s still round four to go though…

Game Four – James’s Teratons

James is another player from Chris’ club, and was fairly new to the game but had picked it up quickly. Playing against each other a lot, they clearly have developed strong skills as both are great players.

Teratons are a hard team to face, I’ve normally only met them in their ‘smash face’ guise and not this high scoring team. He made it almost impossible to get three-pointers, while he managed to get a couple of four-pointers in my zone. I felt very pleased with myself using a guard to Slam his defenders in the back, forcing them to teleport away (and having blocked the other hexes, opened up the four-point lane) but then realised I didn’t quite have the actions to get the rats out of the way. That being said, the four-pointer was left open but with two Teratons threatening the bonus hex. I went for it with a single coaching dice and managed to pull it off, and the final roll of the game tried the same thing (that would have brought it down to a single point loss or a draw). It failed.

There were a few things in that game I should have done differently – moving around for the easier 3-pt strike (would have had at least an extra dice, possibly two) would have been a smarter thing to do, and the first few rushes I attempted to score while running (taking the penalty) instead of using the ‘Striker – Throw’ card I had in my hand. Maybe it would have gone differently if I had, maybe it would have gone worse!

In the end I lost by 5 points – Chris N (who had been watching from a polite distance) came over and told me he had found it agonisingly tense too! I was ready for a lie-down in a dark room to calm my nerves. There’s still an Ultimate game to go though.

Ultimate – James’ Teratons, Chris’ Nameless, Craigs’s Veer-myn, Chris’ Zees and Byron’s S1 Corporation

This was it, one of four Ultimate games and I was there at the top. For most of the game, with all the cross-scoring, most players were averaging 1 or 2 points before getting dragged down quickly.

My heart had aged another five days by this point in the day... Then I was sat next to the sodding Giant again!

In one memorable moment, I attempted to Steal from a Teraton – the ball was stripped, bounced and scattered around before ending up in a different Teraton’s claws. In his next rush (a sort while later), the first Teraton was moved to a strike zone and attempted to throw… “With what?” asked five players together. Facepalms have never been so hilarious.

I managed to get four points late in the game, and was followed by the Nameless player sharing my arm who fouled to bring on his Giant (all the foul rolls were sixes, naturally) and clear out my scoring zone. Time was called, and there were three players left to go – leaving me as a spectator.

Byron performed some magic to bring his Striker to my bonus hex and score – putting us equal on 3 points each. Then the Zee player flubbed the ball and passed his turn. Finally, Craig’s Veer-myn were in the position to score against either me or Byron – not enough to win themselves, but to choose the winner between us. There were no other eligible targets. If I thought the previous two games were tough, I think I nearly passed out here. It was worse because there was nothing I could do – at least I could have flubbed a roll and gone out easy in the other games.

At this point, I was no longer taking part in the game. Note my strike zone, formerly defended by Veer-myn but now outsourcing it's defence to the Nameless!

Thank goodness for petty vengeance, as Craig announced Byron had been ticking him off all day! I won by 3 points, to Byron’s 2.


After this Ultimate game, I milled around helping to tidy up and waiting for the rest of my gang to finish up their games so we could see how they did. A few other people came up to me to chat, and some tried to work out how well I’d done. Knowing that I hadn’t gotten more landslide wins, I figured that it was unlikely that I’d won but I kept hearing how close it was. The results would be announced shortly, and I would know then.

The more I heard how close everyone thought it was though, especially those who’d found out other scores, the more I wondered…

When the results came out, I was pleasantly surprised that none of our group got the Wooden Spoon – although it wouldn’t have damaged anyone’s enjoyment of the day, and it would probably have been a nice start to a tournament career for them to take home a trophy. James, who beat me in round four, got the runner-up trophy leaving me to take home first place. I was absolutely over the moon – this was a large tournament (22 players) and the competition was very tough (I had to wait to calm down before I drove home), and it was absolutely amazing that I had won considering that most tournaments I have been to have an outright winner after three rounds as the only one with three landslides and no-one else can catch up. Part of that is down to Liam’s decision to treat landslides as regular wins – 2 tournament points, since the strike difference also favours landslides used a tie-breaker.

The Veer-myn definitely deserve me taking the time to paint their MVP and rone figures...

In the end, it came down to the Ultimate game being worth one tournament point more than a regular win so my three wins and Ultimate win were a single point better than James’ four wins. If it wasn’t, the first tie-breaker was on strike difference and we both had +8… The next tie-breaker was cheers, and we both had 16… Then we’d essentially be rolling a dice to see who took the trophy home! I don’t think it’s possible to et much closer than that.

I would like next time to try and get clubs or groups separated so they don't have to play each other, we all ended up with our mates in the first round!

And huge congratulations to James – this was his first tournament, he’s not been playing for long, and many players deem Teratons to be under-powered unless you are aiming for the ‘Most Bloody’ award. To have come so close to the top is incredible – it took me a lot of time to get that close, and it’s still a fair dollop of luck when I do (see above, being slammed by the Nameless…)

As for the rest of our group? Oli came 8th, fairly respectably and Jen got 12th – almost exactly halfway through the pack. Dan, Stu and Dai picked up 14th, 15th and 16th and Gareth came out at 20th out of 22 players. All have resolved to get more practice and go along to Cwmbran, and possibly even pick up additional teams. I’m going to try and arrange some more practice days before the next tournament to raise our average score just like a real coach would.

Personally, I’ll be moving to a different team for the rest of the year. It’ll be nice to win with something other than the Veer-myn, so they’re going to retire for another six months or so.

He wasn't really as bored as he looked...

Thoughts on Format

I liked that, for a change, four landslides weren’t required to win. There must have been no-one there with four landslides anyway, even James can’t have done that well if he ended up with only +8 strike difference. I think squeezing the Ultimate game in makes it a long, tough day and Liam is considering making the next tournament just five straight games. This might have to depend on the number of players, as I don’t know if less than 15 players could support those games.

It was nice to see MVPs and Giants even though I didn’t use them. The Nameless Spawn in particular is devastating – perhaps it will need to be specifically excluded like Buzzcut and Number 88 are, or perhaps that’s just a reflection of how helpless I felt against it! Other than that I didn’t see the other MVPs, it will be interesting to see if this format gets picked up in the future and I get a chance to play with or against them.

The venue was great – we’ve been to few parties there recently, and it worked as a tournament venue too. Not too cold (even in October), hot food and drinks available in the attached pub (oh, and it’s a pub) and loads of space. Each game had it’s own table to fill out, and the tables were nicely spaced so you didn’t bother people while moving around. It’s those little touches that make the difference.

All in all, we have about half a dozen players all heading to the tournaments in Cwmbran and Nottingham over the next couple of months!

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Radio Stars: Revisited

by paet the pagan-gerbil4. October 2014 08:00

About a year and a half ago, I wrote about the podcasts I listen to. I thought it’d be fun to review those podcasts and see what’s changed.

.NET Rocks

Last time I talked about possibly giving this one up. Since then, I’ve taken it off of my regular listening on the commute, and instead put it on when I worked from home and don’t need to concentrate too heavily. When they put out a Geek Out show, I take that on the commute with me – they’re more interesting, and I want to pay a lot more attention to them. So I haven’t dropped it, and still don’t plan to, although I am getting quite a big backlog and might just drop some of the less interesting subjects.

The D6 Generation

I’d recently picked this one back up last year – having the time to spend on it again. I’m leaning away from it again though – 3 hours of talk about games I don’t play, and in many cases don’t intend to play, just doesn’t strike me as interesting anymore. I like some of the reviews, but the interviews are mostly a little dull. In fact, the one with Own Statter I just skipped entirely because the sound quality was so poor it was not pleasant to listen to.

On the other hand, there was the interview with David Weber – I had never heard of him outside of this podcast, and hadn’t read any of his books. Their interview with him made me want to run out and read every Honor Harrington book there is, the series sounds fascinating.

At the moment, I’m skipping most of these podcasts until I have nothing else to listen to and a longer commute day to listen to them.

Dan Carlin’s Hardcore History

I still love this one, and look forward to the new episodes. They’ve just started a series on the First World War, and I’ve already learned a lot about it (despite covering it in detail in school many, many years ago). I listen to it almost as soon as it comes out, and will find the time to sit and enjoy it as I would a book – it’s definitely that sort of show.


This has unfortunately gone the same way as .NET Rocks, and I only listen to it when working from home. I’m much less likely to skip it though, as the episodes are just the right length. I’ll probably skip the upcoming Hanselminutiae episode though – I don’t really care what gadgets they want to buy or use. I’ve never been a fan of gadgets shows or car shows or any of that sort of thing, and hearing two guys with enviable disposable income talk about exchanging one gadget I can’t afford with another when the first isn’t broken… Wow, it winds me up.

Webcomics Weekly

There were recently some new episodes, thanks to a Kickstarter promise for some reason. I really wish the show would update more, it’s really interesting, the hosts are fun and the topic is a nice change from the other stuff I listen to.


This podcast came back last year, and I’m enjoying the new format. They have formalised the podcast sections, but aren’t forcing it – some segments are every episode, others are rarer, and at least one episode was all about a tournament with no regular segment in it. So far, there hasn’t really been an army review like there used to be, I’m looking forward to seeing if they do one and how they handle it again.

Bad Dice

This show has been getting better and better, and most of that has been Gareth – he’s been getting more involved and invested and I really enjoy what he brings to the show. Unfortunately, I’m wavering on Warhammer a little bit and I might drop one of the four Warhammer podcasts I listen to. Bad Dice is a little bit too tournament focussed for me, where I rarely even play the game anymore.

Bad Dice Daily

This recently mutated into the Bad Dice Weekly – I’ve yet to listen to it, it might be the Warhammer podcast that gets dropped. I’ve played one game in 2014 so far, which sort of hints that something is amiss.

Mantic Podcast

I’m a bigger and bigger Mantic fan, and you may have noticed a fair bit of blogging here about DreadBall… Even though this podcast is less and less about DreadBall, I still avidly look forward to each new episode. Besides, Mars Attacks will have a DreadBall team out sometime soon! I am optimistic that DreadBall coverage will be treated equally with the other games, when the Galactic Tour Series or Xtreme get releases.


Garagehammer’s battle reports have gotten easier to follow – the one between Dark Elves and High Elves was excellent. It’s still a bit long and the ‘Toolbox’ – the personal journal type part of the show – talks about US TV shows and films and things, and I really don’t have much interest in it. I try and skip this whenever I’m able, but I like the show in general – possibly the most of any Warhammer podcast I have on.

Radio 4 Friday Night Comedy and Comedy of the Week

Still listening to these, still 98% awesome. Also something that I can enjoy on a long car trip with others, who may not be interested in technical or gaming podcasts.


Still good, a nice break from the other things I listen to. I have to skip all the Magic talk though, that’s just not my bag.

Penn’s Sunday School

I’m still slightly wavering on this one. I’m a little behind, and sometimes there are fantastic interviews and wonderful episodes. Other times, there’ll be a dud ‘congregation news’ and stories will be rehashed from earlier podcasts. Jen listened to one on the way down to Portsmouth and enjoyed it, so it’s another one I can share with other people. It’s also less cerebral than a lot of my other shows, while not being ‘dumb’ (despite the host’s protests). There’s quite often some interesting political or moral philosophy to think about. I don’t always agree, but it’s presented well and in a way that I can work through in my head and work out what I think and why.

Meeples & Miniatures

The promised DreadBall Podcast didn’t materialise – there were a couple of episodes, then it died. Maybe weekly was too ambitious, or being ‘in-character’ was too difficult or restrictive. Who knows? Maybe someone else could bring it back. I think a monthly show might have worked better. There were at least two episodes they could have devoted to Kickstarter deliveries last year, two to cover the Open Day tournaments, that leaves eight to go into depth on particular teams or tactics… then again, that’s the eight new teams that were released last year. I think I’ll stick to blogging on a range of subjects, just one game may end up being restrictive.

The Diecast

Nope, never picked this up. I really ought to try it out and see if the sound quality has improved, but I just don’t care about computer games anymore. It’s probably not for me. Sorry Shamus!

Stack Exchange

I listen to this whenever it’s out, and I enjoy the interviews. It sits in a weird intermediate place – I can listen to it easily, it’s good fun, and I enjoy it. On the other hand, I don’t learn anything from it and it’s not a hobby focus. I think the only thing I can say about it is that it’s interesting and different to everything else that’s on my list.

History Hour & Science Hour

These two are great. I don’t have a lot of time for the news, so Science Hour keeps me up to date with some of the less headline-grabbing, but more interesting, developments in the world. I can’t keep up to date with magazines because there isn’t time to read them before the next one is out.

The History Hour is especially interesting, because it is covering history with accounts from witnesses. This constrains them to the 20th Century, and because it is produced by the BBC World Service, it has global scope. This leads to interesting stories about the pro-choice movement in the United States, the non-Mandela members of the ANC in South Africa, missing nuns in Mexico, Jonestown, and more.

The problem with both is time – my commute is a lot shorter these days, and they tend to have a bit of a mature focus (violence, death, disease) on at least a portion of each episode so I can’t listen with the kids around too easily. I’ve got a big backlog to get through!

The Strike Zone

This is an interesting DreadBall podcast, unfortunately I have skipped most of the early episodes. They were often talking to beginners about the basics of the rules, and I found them extremely dull to listen to (I have taught plenty of beginners to play, and I didn’t much care for the style in the podcast – however that might be down to filling a whole episode with a single concept, whereas I am trying to teach the whole game in 5 minutes). I did listen to the Season One review, and it made some interesting points on the Forge Fathers. I don’t think they’re quite as good as told, but did make me want to pick them up and try them out now I have more experience. The interview with our local pathfinder and tournament organiser was also good fun! We have a few tournaments coming before the end of the year, which I am getting excited about.

As the shows are moving into Season Two and Three now, I might be listening to more of them to get insight on some of the more peculiar teams. It’d be nice if they had a co-host though, with the exception of the bite-sized Bad Dice Daily (now Weekly) all the gaming podcasts are team efforts and it would be good to hear discussions rather than monologues. I’m interested to see where this one goes in the future.


Why So Zeerious?

by paet the pagan-gerbil27. September 2014 08:00

They all look alike to me

I couldn’t come up with a backstory for the Zees. I had so many ideas for them, drawing from many sources including my love of genetics and the Planet of the Apes series. I came up with something long and complex with pointless detail and it wasn’t even entertaining for me (and as you’ve seen elsewhere on this blog, my standards are fairly low). It occurred to me that the Zees are anarchic and unpredictable, they’re irresponsible and irreverent. They aren’t going to be honest about anything, much less their own history. They probably even stole their equipment, rather than look at all cohesive and organised. Every single one of them will end up giving a different account of who they are and where the come from, and laugh about the confusion caused.


For the Zees, I went for a colour scheme inspired by The Joker. I put more orange in than purple because I wanted to differentiate them from the Z’zor team I already painted, but I think the three main colours match well.Tra-la!

The skin is Khemri Brown with a Flesh Wash (ancient GW paint), another highlight of Khemri Brown and some have a Dheneb Stone highlight. I found Dheneb Stone a bit difficult to highlight with because it is so strong with pigment (being a foundation paint, I guess) that it doesn’t have anything between ‘covers everything’ and ‘this is a wash’. The eyes were Eshin Grey. The orange was a practice run for my Nameless team – it works here, but I might need to do something else to get the effect I want on the Nameless. It was a Vermin Brown base with Squig Orange. The purple was Liche Purple with a Genestealer Purple highlight. Some of the models had a Tentacle Pink edge highlight, but I didn’t like the effect too much. The green was Snot Green, Orc Flesh Wash (again, an ancient GW wash), more Snot Green and Scorpion Green highlight.HIYAAAAA!

It still needs to be finished off with a highlight of yellow on the visors, and Incubi Darkness on the bases to cover my sloppy boot painting.Eye of the tiger!

This is the first team that I managed to name every member of it. It was always the plan to name the teams, but I find it a little difficult. This one was much easier! The line-up is:

  1. Benjamin
  2. Benchamin
  3. Benjummin
  4. Benzhamin
  5. Benchummin
  6. Benzhummin
  7. Benjimun
  8. Benchimun
  9. Benzhimun
  10. Benjamon

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Doombar League Part Two

by paet the pagan-gerbil20. September 2014 08:00

Game four was cancelled, as my scheduled opponent quit the league after his prior game. Since this is a structured league rather than a free-form one, the organiser decided to award all of his future matches as an average of his recorded ones. The upshot of this is that my monkeys got three experience increases (resulting in a Skill 4+ player!) and their first win of the season! Hooray!

Game Five – Josh’s S1 Corporation (team name unknown)

This was a nail-biting game – neither team’s coach managed to pass they coaching play rolls very often, and only three scores were made in the game. An early three-point lead completely failed to be matched by the Zees, the closest that they got was scuppered by the ball shattering as they got to the strike zone. They made it back by waiting for a human Striker to sprint all the way to the ball, before Running Interference onto the ball, flubbing the pick up and having it scatter (with a Fast Pitch event in play) way too far for the Striker to catch it.

Another Zee tried to Sucker Punch a human guard to turn him around but kept rolling 6’s, until the Guard was dead. Dead dead dead. Zees don’t normally kill things, so that monkey was very happy. And removing him from the board is even better than turning him around!

On the other hand, I lost two turns – once to trying to pick the ball up for my first action (and failing) and once because the ball launch landed on a prone Zee, bounced into the ref, bounced into a human Guard, bounced into another Zee who had no dice to catch it with – thus ending the rush before it even began.

It wasn’t until the final Zee rush that they finally scored, bringing the score back to zero and hoping to go into Sudden Death – however, there was one Corporation rush left and they got a single point to finish.

I really love it when a game comes down to the wire, and Josh is fun to play. I played him at the previous Bristol Megalofunotron tournament (also with Zees, he took Robots).

The Relegation Battle – CJ’s New England Patriorx (Marauders)

As I was now second from the bottom, I had to play a match against the second-place player in Division Two. If he won, we swapped places and if I won, I stayed where I was.

It turns out I was playing against CJ, from the last league. He’s still taking his Marauders except that his league team has hired Slippery Joan (all of his models are female Orcs… including the Jeerleader).

It was the tensest game yet, on both sides. I was in the lead (barely) for most of it, but the luck just wasn’t with me where I needed it. Four monkeys bit the dust, most of them had some unused experience but no ranks.

I managed to hold onto a draw for the final turn, but only had three players on the pitch. Slippery Joan started with the ball, and all she had to do was score… and did so. Easily. Game over by two points in Sudden Death, and with four simian corpses to recycle. Luckily, the underdog bonus managed to replace them all in time for the Ultimate season-ender!

And good luck to CJ in the second season, playing up in Division One!

Season Finale – the Ultimate Battle

We managed to get all five remaining players in Division One together for a massive Ultimate game – it was a good finish to the league, as we’d all played each other previously in the season. I actually wasn’t the massive underdog in this game, despite not having as many advances as the other players and suffering worse casualties throughout the league – I did have enough underdog bonus to max out my cards and hire an MVP for the game (the Praetorian).

The Praetorian was sent off early as I attempted a Sneak foul, and a massive pile up blocked much of the centre near our arm (I was sharing with Tom’s humans) with Sam’s Nameless taking on everything around them. Stu had hired the Enforcer for the game, and he flew around looking for a good place to smash things.

I did fairly well, scoring a few points and defending myself well (The Ball Shatters on Stu’s striker, after he’d committed the Enforcer to moving my defence and travelled from the far side of the pitch to a scoring position…) and once the Praetorian got back into the game, scored a few points in his zone (rather safely since there’s only one Ball Shatters in the game).

The Nameless managed to grab a landslide win, since monkeys can’t stop very much at the best of times and his guards had advanced a few ranks already. I did finish on 5 points though, so if I’d managed to grab the next turn somehow it would have been my chance to take the win – and would have been my first legitimate win of the season, just before I leave for Division Two!

What’s Next?

At the time of writing, Division Two haven’t played their final Ultimate game yet. I think there will be a short break – there’s a new player in the area who is interested in getting in on the league so we might be back up to 12 players again when Season Two starts.

The underdog rules are being changed for Season Two (trialled in the Ultimate game) that allow us to hire MVPs, coaching staff, cheerleaders etc as well as the free agents.

We’ve also got the opportunity to scrap the team and start again with a new one. I don’t think I’ll go that far – I’ve actually got a monkey with an extra rank, and almost the full complement of cards. It’ll be nice to follow them on a more long-term journey.

The Ultimate game also left us with huge piles of cash. I’m considering buying an MVP, but this is fraught with peril for Zees. They are vulnerable to ref check fouls, and takes away the point of playing a ridiculous team like the Zees if you actually hire a star player who is good at scoring. Maybe having a bruiser on the pitch would be a better idea, or maybe I’ll just stick with Riller to support the clones and provide some more power to the monkeys.

On with Season Two!

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